Frankie goes to Pariswood

Frank and entourage went to Paris to "inspect the New Air Pacific Plane.

However the usual late night on the turps, ensured he fell over and hit his head after stumbling over some drunks in a Paris doorway .

So Frank ended up in a Paris Hospital.


During the night he made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it was always occupied.

Finally after a few choice loud swear words, a nurse ambled along.

"Herr Feraunc", she said in her lovely French accent, "Vous pouvez utiliser les toilettes pour dames si vous promettez de ne pas toucher aux boutons sur le mur. "

Desperate to go, Frank orders Colonel Aziz sitting by his bed to translate. Aziz the modern whiz-nut, whips out his iPad and hits google translate.

"Bosso", the nasi said that "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall"

"Tonoka nona sona" Frank cursed as he rushed into the toilet and as he sat there his attention was drawn to all the coloured buttons on the wall he had promised not to touch.

Each button was identified by colour and letters: Blue for WW , WA , PP20, and a red one labelled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them? And anyway who did she think she was that commoner nurse telling him, Fiji's almighty dictator what to do and what not to touch. Pah !

He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon Fiji's highest paid sona.

Seti-Woilei, he gasped … what a nice feeling, luckkiiieeee Ayarse can't see me, he thought.

Saaaa .......men's toilets in Fiji don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying the under armoury of Fiji's greatest tyrant.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed all his upside-down pores and louvres ..…. sogota kece vakasauri na katuba leka-i-ra … adding a fragile scent of spring banana-giraffe flower to this unbelievable pleasure.

Woilei, he gasped, grinning like an idiot, the ladies toilet was more than a toilet, it is tender loving pleasure. Whoootu-Wheeee - this would be good in Mary's new $1.5 million house on the hill in Suva.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and Aiyarse, the true and rightful ruler of Fiji was staring down at him.

"Hei baku sala , what happened yahr ?" Bai squeaked. "The last thing I remember was pushing the red button."

"Hahr rite chunni oti sara wala .......the button ATR is Automatic Tampon Remover. Your baci is under your pillow."

DICTATORS NEVER LISTEN