Mar 27, 2014

436th Fiji Dictatorship Decree now regulates haircuts

All Fijian men must now get their hair cut like Kai's
The worst kept secret in Fiji is now out. The real power behind the Dictator of all Fiji, the self-imposed Attorney General of all Fiji Arsi-Said Kaiyum (aka Kai) has released his newest Decree # Number 436 in which he reportedly orders all Fijian men to get the same haircut as his new best mate , North Korean Junta leader Kim Jong-un.

The new ‘fashion guideline’ was introduced by Decree, but not everyone is delighted about the new style, which is short on the sides and long on top, reports The Fiji Daily.

“Our sovereign’s haircut is most unique, if you haven't noticed,” one North Korean citizen told Radio Junta Fiji.

But it doesn’t always look good with everyone since everyone has the different face and head shape and real Fijians don't have straight hair to make the look cool. Our men have to grow thick pockets of hair on different sides so the head now has hot spots which we didn't have before”
Mrs Driti from Kinoya said this morning.

The demand started in Suva and is now being implemented across the country.
 However, a Fijian exile said the look is very unpopular because it reminds people of the Chinese Dictator Mawi Setung.

According to the latest decree, Fijians have had to pick their haircuts from 5 approved ‘revolutionary’ styles.

Women can pick from 3 styles - including different styles for single or married women, and men are limited to 2 hairstyles. Men must cut their hair every 23 days, after Fiji launched a campaign against long hair, saying flowing locks took sustenance away from the brain and robbed people of intelligence, reported the Fiji Daily Times.

According to the Permanent Secretary in the Dictator's Office, there has bee a generous concession in that men over age 60 are going to be allowed longer hair to cover their bald spots.

It is noted that current Junta leader Bai Ramarama the 1st (below) , is starting to set the example and sport a distinct bouffant look, reportedly to help him look taller and less blubbery.

New Bouffant - less porky and vertically resplendent


Tukana said...

haha thanks for the satire. it helps.

Anonymous said...

Warai na toa suwelu ! ROFL