Media Release from the Fiji Ministry of MisInformation
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
The Global Sugar Industry is expecting global output to be
halved in the next 2 years. This is following the news that Commodore Frankly
Bananas has become the chairman of the International Sugar Organisation.
The industry was hoping to avoid this catastrophic
appointment but unfortunately GOD, The Group of Dictators, voted as one to
ensure Commodore Bananas’ appointment.
The industry was trying to put a brave face on events but realized
there was no hope when Bananas made his speech. “I will use all my experience
and expertise gathered whilst I revitalized the sugar Industry in Fiji. It is
currently performing far above my expectations with a production that has been
halved. I expect under my guidance global sugar production will benefit in the
same way.”
The news of Bananas appointment has created grave concern
amongst consumers. In fact panic buying has been the order of the day and supermarkets
throughout the world have run out of stock of all sugar products. This
supermarket in Yonkers New York had its shelves emptied in under 1 hour of the
news being broadcast in America.
Mr Tate an industry spokesman said “This is the worst
possible news for the industry. Sugar is a vital world commodity and if
production is cut by half the consequences will be dire for dentists.”
Mr Lyle, whose company currently holds the largest
stockpile of sugar was smiling gleefully as he said “we have already seen our
sugar stock triple in value. We would like to congratulate the Commodore on his
appointment and to confirm the usual brown paper bag is on its way to the Caymans.”
Kim Jong-un, the current Chairman of GOD, the Group of
Dictators, Congratulated Commodore Bananas and said that he was sending his
leading Agricultural expert, Mr Para Kwat, to give guidance to the Commodore’s
attempts to revitalize the industry.
RELEASE ENDS
- For FIJI SUNk journalists. Grubby Davis is writing you a special release entitled “Suva city of sweet dreams, no more.”
- For Further information please contact me on Facebook at Shazzer Says
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