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Nov 27, 2012
Urgent Media Release from Fiji Guvment
Media Release from the Fiji Ministry of MisInformation
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
The Global Sugar Industry is expecting global output to be halved in the next 2 years. This is following the news that Commodore Frankly Bananas has become the chairman of the International Sugar Organisation.
The industry was hoping to avoid this catastrophic appointment but unfortunately GOD, The Group of Dictators, voted as one to ensure Commodore Bananas’ appointment.
The industry was trying to put a brave face on events but realized there was no hope when Bananas made his speech. “I will use all my experience and expertise gathered whilst I revitalized the sugar Industry in Fiji. It is currently performing far above my expectations with a production that has been halved. I expect under my guidance global sugar production will benefit in the same way.”
The news of Bananas appointment has created grave concern amongst consumers. In fact panic buying has been the order of the day and supermarkets throughout the world have run out of stock of all sugar products. This supermarket in Yonkers New York had its shelves emptied in under 1 hour of the news being broadcast in America.
Mr Tate an industry spokesman said “This is the worst possible news for the industry. Sugar is a vital world commodity and if production is cut by half the consequences will be dire for dentists.”
Mr Lyle, whose company currently holds the largest stockpile of sugar was smiling gleefully as he said “we have already seen our sugar stock triple in value. We would like to congratulate the Commodore on his appointment and to confirm the usual brown paper bag is on its way to the Caymans.”
Kim Jong-un, the current Chairman of GOD, the Group of Dictators, Congratulated Commodore Bananas and said that he was sending his leading Agricultural expert, Mr Para Kwat, to give guidance to the Commodore’s attempts to revitalize the industry.