The Kula

After a recommendation from Grubby Davis (Fiji regime's new public relations tool)  to Fiji's dictator Frank Bainimarama about the need to boost a more benevolent public image after his most recent gaffe, Father Barr received a brightly coloured kula (parrot) from Frank's menagerie as a gift by way of an apology.

However, the parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

Father Barr tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing Laisa Vulakoro's music and anything else he could think of to “clean up” the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, the old priest was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. Barr shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

Barr, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, Father Barr quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Barr’s outstretched arms and said, “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

Barr was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the Kula continued, “May I ask what the Crest chicken did?”