Dec 7, 2012

Shazzer goes to the AG's Conference

WORM MAIL : 7th Dec 2012

Darling Grubby,

I am very concerned that my confidential letters to you are finding their way on to the Internet. I know they are not being leaked at my end so it must be from yours. I know you have said you and the Qorvis black arts guys are on the case but you need to do better. You did manage to close down an impostor’s face book page last week which was a start.

But if you are going to hack a website like make sure you succeed. You should know better than to leave traces. It also looks pathetic when you contact Google and say a website is being subversive. That’s just weak. Track down the people responsible and we will let Major Ben Neverleaveherealive loose on these terrorists.

That’s how you close down a website and a lot of other things.

I told you to keep the plan of our invasion of Britain secret. Somehow the enemy has got wind of our cunning scheme. I promise you Grubby if the leak is traced back to you I will hit you so hard you will have to drink your Pinot through a straw for a month.

The Glorious Leader was further incensed by the Brits. Whilst he was still in London he got a call from their Air Sea Rescue Service. They were wondering if he could give them the approximate date the invasion team would arrive in British Waters so they could be on hand to give them a tow. He was completely humiliated and threw his commemorative model of the Uto Ni Yalo out of the bath.

Did you see Elvis Silvestrini has been booted from bio security.  It is a shame because he was doing a good job there, but he made a big mistake as part of the Cryogenic freezing task force, code name Frozen Bananas.

I think I told you he was getting some freezing equipment from Watties. Well the fool went and ordered the wrong thing and a pea masher was delivered. It was only Madame Nazihat Von Shameonme’s eagle eye that saved the day. She stopped him just before they were going to run the first test on Frankly Bananas’ brain. Luckily she did otherwise we would have had a mushy pea brained dictator as our leader.

We need to get ahead of this issue over removing the Monarch's head from the Fiji dollar. The people are not very happy about it. I think I have found the perfect solution. I was laying in the bath the other night, with a glass of red in one hand and a fag in the other. When it came to me.  We will have pictures of famous legal figures of the Frankly Bananas era on the currency. We can keep it relevant and still keep our royal heritage. We will use the CJ’s head.

That way the people can continue to enjoy having the face of an ageing British Queen on their bank notes; Queen Antonia. Genius Hey! That’s why they pay me the big bucks.

Talking of the CJ, I have seen the Army submission to the Constitution Commission. AKA the 2013 Fijian Constitution. They have decided the legal system needs to be shaken up a bit and reflect the realities of the law in Fiji. They are going to start at the top and change some people’s Job titles. The Attorney General title will be changed to Always Guilty. He will still be AG so he can save on his stationery and he won’t have to throw away his Bula shirts with the AG monogram. The CJ will become CJJ. They have looked at his stationary and they can squeeze another J in without too much trouble. CJJ stands for Chief Judge and Jury.

This way, the military believe the people will know that if they are arrested by a soldier or a policeman they have already been found guilty. That being the case there is no reason to have any sort of judicial system except for the AG and the CJJ.

Think of the money we can save. No courts, we can sell those old buildings to the FNPF. No judges, no magistrates, no lawyers, and no legal aid. I have already organized with FRCA that with the money saved they will reduce the duty on fags, red wine and Johnnie Walker Blue Label for the Glorious Leader.

It is the Always Guilty’s Conference today and tomorrow. I managed to get this fine picture of our Glorious Leader and our True Leader waiting for an audience with their Spiritual Guidance Counselor, Her Royal Highness Madam Nazihat Von Shameondtme.

I originally thought they were in fancy dress but Aiyarse thinks he will get more respect from the military council if he wears a uniform.

In his keynote speech Commodore Frankly Bananas made much of his Government’s protection of women. However, something happened recently which we need to cover up otherwise the country will stop believing our spin. It concerns Major Pacological Luvverboy, the army lawyer who is here at the conference. He was in Traps and started to openly fondle a young Indian girl against her wishes and made her cry. She went to the bouncers and asked them to throw him out. They said they could not but they did manage to persuade him to leave. She then said she wanted them to call the police and advised her to drop it with the following words. “He could have raped you if he had wanted and we could not have stopped him.” That's bad enough if it were ever to leak out is that there is one law for the military and another for rest of the country. But even worse he is the step son of the Minister for Women.

Hugs and Kisses

  •  This is to inform the public that this letter is a piece of fiction. However, some of the people and events mentioned are real.
  • The British Air Sea Rescue Service has contacted their counterparts in Chile to arrange for an airdrop of supplies to the Uto Ni Yalo to stop the crew from dying of Scurvy.
  • The Always Guilty and the Chief Judge and Jury have decided that a vote against Frankly Bananas in 2014 gets you a life sentence.


Lawyer about town said...

At the small man's conference in the weekend. Thought sitting through stomach churning rhetoric was hell on earth until I read your missive on Friday night well and truly half-cocked. Now I know what hell is. It is the knowledge that I no longer can laugh as much as I did in my advancing stage of life with incontinence napkins of some kind.

However thank you . I didnt mind sending my trousers to the drycleaners the next day at the hotel knowing they would be washed with lapels belonging to the various high and mighty.


Anonymous said...

I know that you are really trying to make a point about frank and iyaz but putting them in NAZI uniforms is in bad taste even if it is in the spirit of spiteful jest. The Nazi's overran half the world and killed millions, systematically and methodically. The image attached to this post undermines the memory of that crime against humanity. Stick to your bumbling play on words

Discombobulated Bubu said...

Thank you Anon for your bubbly comment. I am sorry the image of the Nazi uniform has upset you.

This is a good thing as what the Nazi's did starting from the beginning of their reign of terror should never ever be forgotten.

I wish to highlight the grim reality existing in Fiji at this time; and which most of the world remains uninformed about.

The ignorance I speak of is not due to people not being curious.

Rather, it is due to the junta's intense, constant & orchestrated efforts to enforce suppression of the news & in Fiji and to thwart, warp and repress our individual freedoms of speech and association.

In the 6 years since Bainmarama's 2006 coup, we have witnessed this man's Gleichschaltung *, and his junta's real aims coming to fruition.

* DEFINITION: The shifting of an entire society according to a predetermined clearly defined world-view, philosophy or belief system, it also meant (theoretically) to build a classless society.

Like Hitler's regime, Bainnimarama's aim is to strike petrified fear into all and sundry & get abject compliance in all things.

Exactly like the Nazi Gleichschaltung whose objective was to destroy, deliberately and systematically, all the social classes that had contributed to Germany's society, we are in Fiji also witnessing the deliberate and systematic destruction of the existing traditional Fijian order , and the abolition of the Fijian middle class/ Fijian academia so that the junta can force the populace into conformity with its own "new utopian order", every form of independent activity and association.

All that does not serve the regime's purpose must be expunged.

Like Germany post 1933, armed Fijian military thugs thugs have barged into government offices using terror tactics, guns and State of Emergency Decree's as a pretext to throw out legitimate office holders and replace them with their own military men.

Discombobulated Bubu said...

Continued ..... To date we estimate that the regime has forcibly removed about 8,000 civil servants by sacking them or issuing decrees to cover such edicts as those over 55 "must retire". Most others were forced to leave when they discovered that the military were carrying out "Reforms" to "save money" (ie. dollars redistributed back to the military coffers) .

I do not need to spell out what this sort of thing does to one's economy especially when each job holder in Fiji supports an average of 5-7 family members. Please read Prof. Wadan Narsey's most excellent article on this (

Since Bainimarama and his breathtakingly flagitious, captiously power-mad cohort Aiyaz Kaiyum , seized power in 2006, those deemed to be political enemies , and/or vocal critics of themselves, have been systematically hounded & singled out to be publicly humiliated & accused with often baseless, untrue and malicious allegations.
Forced to participate in the farce that is now the judicial/court system, these good citizens have been ruined financially and beaten down socially & psychologically by the sheer vindictiveness of the repugnant personages funded and hired by the regime to justify its coup.

This list is long and unfortunately for our future generations, these people (our future leaders) have either been forced to leave the country, or seek work outside of their field of expertise.

Discombobulated Bubu said...

Continued : ......

With promises, and advantages for people who were conforming to the system, and threats and punishment for grumblers, Hitler created the ideology of "Volksgemeinschaft", ensuring along the way that the media of mass communication & the provincial governing machinery were controlled.

In the same way, it is common knowledge in Fiji that Bainimarama and his lackeys have been making forays into all the provinces making blanket accusations that are extremely arrogant, prideful & nasty.

In simple terms this is what they are saying to all and sundry, and especially to our rural poor & illinformed :

1) that for too long they have been listening to the chiefs & the church who have been leading them astray

2) unless they toe Bainimarama's line - HIS LINE - then nothing - NOTHING - will come their way .. no transport, no aid , nothing.

Therefore province after province having now been starved of "things" are lining up to grovel & "humbly do" the apology (tabetabe) thing .

This of course allows the Provinces and the Villagers themselves to be again manipulated by their present powerful bully in authority.

In the general villager's mind-set, what other course is open to isolated villagers ?

Discombobulated Bubu said...

Continued : .....

In Nazi ideology, Volksgemeinschaft ideology meant a national community in which individuals submitted to the regime.

The price paid by the Germans for this community was individuality and freedom.

In Nazi Germany, a frail and ailing President called Hindenburg signed two decrees put before him by Hitler.

The first offered full pardons to all Nazis currently in prison. The prison doors sprang open and out came an assortment of Nazi thugs and murderers.

The second decree signed by the befuddled old man allowed for the arrest of anyone suspected of maliciously criticizing the government and the Nazi Party.

Later that same day, a third decree signed only by Hitler and Papen allowed for the establishment of special courts to try political offenders. These courts were conducted in the military style of a court-martial without a jury and usually with no counsel for the defense.

Like in Nazi Germany, all Fijian "emergency" decrees signed by the sundry leaders that have been, gone and stayed (Iloilo, Nailatikau, Kaiyum, Bainimayhem) after this insidious 2006 coup, has made it easy for them to interfere with representatives of the common people by simply passing "laws" that make it easy for the despots to arrest, fine and confine whoever they feel is a threat to them.

Like in Nazi Germany there followed in quick succession a full-on-roll-out of laws and decrees that would outlaw common-law & common-sense in Fiji and establish the dictatorship of Baini & his power base.

The emergency decree canceled all individual and civil rights, placing power in the hands of Hitler and his party. It became illegal for Germans to express their opinions freely, or to assemble to hear political speeches or for any other reason. And the decree made it legal for Hitler and his Brownshirts to control what was published in newspapers or broadcast as news over the radio; to open mail, read telegrams, and listen in on telephone conversations; to search houses without warning; to confiscate personal property; and to rule by dictatorship in any of the states of Germany, whenever Hitler thought it necessary.

Like in Nazi Germany , the same things are happening in Fiji - police and military men are used to show force and intimidate those that may pose visible (and imagined) threats.

These previously decent and well-branded organisations suddenly became state murderers, torturers and persecutors of good citizens.
Hitler made many speeches pledging restraint in use of emergency use of powers, and promising jobs for the people, new bridges, schools and infrastructure.

Like in Nazi Germany , Bainimarama also has done the same using much flowery language written for him by brown-nosed users of highfalutin words.

The Fijian Gleichschaltung began when Kaiyum's sunset clause and Bainidada's love of money and thirst for power met, and where all aspects of life in Fiji now fall under the absolute leadership of these two fiends and their cohorts.
Under Hitler, the State, not the individual, was supreme.

From the moment of birth one existed to serve the State and obey the dictates of the F├╝hrer. Those who disagreed were disposed of.

Many agreed. Bureaucrats, industrialists, even intellectual and literary figures, came out in open support of Hitler.

Many disagreed and left the country. A flood of the finest minds, including doctors, academia, lawyers, writers, artists and philanthropists left and never returned to Germany.
Like in Fiji (

Please by all means lets continue this debate. Vinaka Anon - have a lovely day !

Keep The Faith said...

And like Nazi Germany, a Nuremberg process equivalent will ensure that the people of Fiji are vindicated.

No more matanigasau's, truth & reconciliation or other soft options. It will be time then to weed out ALL the perpetrators who thought they could hold our country at ransom and get away with it. Fiji's societal cancer of coups will be terminated.