Fiji Freedom Bloggers Xmas Party Invite

Bainimarama is one day parading around Fiji with his balding grey head, big tummy and his wooden leg (caused in an accident when Seargent Aiarse blew up his sulu va taga too hard one day) and is invited to a fancy dress Xmas party to the FFBA (Fiji Freedom Bloggers Association).

He doesn't know what to wear to try and hide his balding head and his wooden leg, so he orders his personal InJustice Chieftess Gates to pen a letter of complaint to the Freedom Bloggers Confidential Secretary to preordain his problem.  A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:

"Your Enemanance,
Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit.  Bubu's new-moon rising purini will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate. "

Bainimarama is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.  A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:

"Dear Your Enemanance,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed Father Mataca's old robe. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your purini head you will really look the part."

Bainimarama is really incandescent with rage now, because the Bloggers have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head.  So he gets Corporal General Tikoilawakica to write a really strong letter of complaint.

A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the Bloggers with the accompanying letter:

Dear Your Enemanance,

Please find enclosed a tin of Fiji Golden Syrup distilled from the sugar mills you have now shut down. 

We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.

Loloma levu
Fiji Freedom Bloggers Ass