Win a Trip to Fabulous Fiji

Beware One Hundred Sands in Fiji

Ragone  - it is very interesting the further one digs on Larry Claunch and his supposed investment in Fiji - seems to be more about one hundred lies with this regime sponsored carpetbagger.

I do not recommend going to their webpage either as your IP address could be hacked .

Have a wonderful weekend ragone.

Kisikisi from Bubu

Shazzer on Bhai vs Ghai , Vulagi and Qorvis and More

WORM MAIL : Nov 8th, 2012

Darling Grubby,

I was so disappointed with you on Tuesday. Normally you are so reliable I went to the Holiday Inn to wait for you to bring the hatchet job on Cash Guy. I ordered that very expensive bottle of Pinot that you like, thinking you would be paying. I waited and waited and after I finished the Pinot I ordered the house Merlot as I realized I might be paying after all. No don’t worry I was not lonely as it was Melbourne Cup day and the Holiday Inn was packed. You should have seen all the plebs jockeying for position to come and talk to me.

We still need to destroy the old fool’s credibility. How dare he challenge our Glorious Leader? I thought he had been briefed properly and he understood this whole constitution process was just a sham. The constitution has already been written and all he has to do is go through the motions so we could hide that our constitution was created by Bainimarama for Bainimarama. Instead we now have to manage the situation and that means showing that Cash Guy did not understand Fiji or the Fijians and was producing an inappropriate constitution that included democracy, free speech, free press, government transparency and accountability. Is he stupid or something that he does not realize a dictatorship cannot allow any of the above?

I am feeling let down by all you bloggers. At great expense we flew in CrazyWelsh, put him up for a few days, gave him a driver and told him who to meet. The first thing he does when he gets back home in NZ is to announce that he was beholden to me and would write whatever he was told. To make matters worse he then said he kept quiet about being in Fiji because he was scared for his life. He gave the impression that Fiji was a lawless country where supporters of the dictator could get “Fixed”. Doesn’t he realize the boys in green are the only ones to “fix” people?

Crazy is really the wettest blanket I have ever met. I teased him one day and said the FIJI SUNk was going to do an article on him and say this great professor was in Fiji. He turned white at the thought it might become common knowledge he was in the country and asked me to stop it from being printed. I said it was too late for that and he started to beg me get him on a flight back to NZ before the paper was on the streets. I was feeling wicked so I said I would go back to the office and see what I could do. In fact I went down to the bar for a couple of glasses of red. I then went upstairs and said I had got the story pulled. He was so grateful it was pathetic. He really is a wimp.

I don’t know what it is about both you and Crazy. As soon as you start to earn money from the Banana Republic of Fiji you both have to announce it to everybody. Don’t you both realize it turns your credibility to Zero.

To stop such stupidity in the future I am going to insist the next time we are together you swear ‘The Sacred Hypocritic Oath of Spin Doctors’. It is a simple ceremony. You place your right hand on Decree 29 - Media Industry Development Decree and repeat the following words in presence.

• I swear by the almighty god of spin, Qorvis and his leading disciple Shazzer that I will worship before thee faithfully and obediently.
• I will take pride in telling untruths on behalf of my lords and masters
• I will take pride in hiding the truth from the deserving
• I will do everything in my power to suck up to my betters and will be unbearably grateful for any recognition they will give me like the cowardly cur I am.
• Lies are the way to glory; paid lies are the way to untold riches.
• I swear that I will uphold this sacred oath and I will state the earth is flat if my master so desires. In so doing I will earn the respect and regard of Qorvis worshipping Dictators from far off lands Bahrain and Equatorial Guinea and from near lands like BRF (Banana Republic of Fiji).
• I will be absolved from feelings of shame and guilt felt by normal mortals when they tell untruths to the public. I will be filled with self righteous fervor when I claim to be an independent journalist even whilst being paid by a dictator.”

I know you have been concerned by the conflict of interest in your current position. That you were a once proud, award winning independent journalist who was once so highly thought of that you were asked to sit on the committee that wrote the Australian Journalists’ Code of Ethics. And now you try to claim nothing has changed even though you have been bought and paid for by Qorvis.  Don’t worry once you have taken the Hypocritic oath feelings of shame and guilt will be a thing of the past. You can stop worrying about ethical clauses like:

Do not allow personal interest, or any belief, commitment, payment, gift or benefit, to undermine your accuracy, fairness or independence.

Or

Disclose conflicts of interest that affect, or could be seen to affect, the accuracy, fairness or independence of your journalism.  Do not improperly use a journalistic position for personal gain.

Just think you will be able to make even more money than currently. I know you are already double dipping getting paid by Qorvis and the FIJI SUNk for the same article. Don’t worry we are all doing it.

You could make even more, get yourself hired by Julia Gillard’s PR firm and still act as the ‘independent’ host of your TV show, the Grubby Divide. Having sworn the oath you won’t feel any guilt as you lob soft questions at the Labor politicians and save the really hard ones for the liberals. You will just enjoy spending the money on me.

Your honesty about being paid by Qorvis has made you break the first law of being a Spin doctor. Never become the story!

You have appeared in Island’s Business and I quote from their article “Small wonder then that his (Grubby’s) arguments in defence of juggling two hats and justifying the charade look like the proverbial fig leaf.”  There has also been a lot on the blogs about your credibility and this piece by thetroublesome professor Edge is close to pushing you into the abyss.

I want to thank you for your help with the scrap metal thing over the last few weeks. This Government flip flop should never have happened and was just a misunderstanding because some junior lackey got involved.

Basically the AG has got a controlling interest in a scrap dealer in Vale Levu. I am not allowed to say the name but in the ministry we call it “Aiyarse’s Crap”. Anyway he has been using the licenses to get control of the industry and he has been using the manhole covers to get rich quick. At night he sends out his driver and bodyguards in his official car. They steal the manhole covers and put them in the back. The police would never stop his car but even if they do, it won’t matter as his windows lack transparency. The boys take the metal to his scrap yard and he sells it on and makes a fortune.

You know how he is he always likes to get more efficient. So he is going to send Aunty Nur to the Suva City Council to do some consultancy on the issue and to make her usual half a mill fee. She will tell them that they will save money if they just pass the money for the new covers directly to Aiyarse’s Crap. That way he won’t bother taking the covers in the first place and so they won’t have to pay the labor on replacing them and Aiyarse won’t have to pay his bodyguards for taking them. As ever with Aunty Nur it is a Win Win for everyone.

I see we have taught the Sri Lankans everything we know about running a compromised judiciary. Or have they taught us. I am not sure which but their chief justice is being impeached for corruption. 

Next time you write a speech for the PM you have to lose the big words. He can’t say them properly and he ends up sounding like one of his drunken Melanesian brothers speaking Pidgin. It is not very statesmanlike. It takes a bit of getting used to writing speeches for him. I find it useful to read a few of my children’s books before beginning to write so I can use the age appropriate vocabulary. (Those are 2 words you can never use)

Please don’t let me down again.

Hugs and kisses

Shazzer

• This is to inform the public that this letter is a piece of fiction. However, some of the people and events mentioned are real
• The PM’s speeches will improve I have booked him in for a month at the Qorvis Special School for Intellectually Impaired Dictators.
• The AG was too busy writing decrees this week to be a nuisance. Decree 97 SHUT UP CASH GUY Decree, Decree 98 The Single Party State Decree, Decree 99 The Make me rich quick decree, Decree 100 Make me Richer, Quicker Decree.

More Shazzaz from Fiji's Mistress of Disinformation

WORM MAIL : END OCTOBER 2012

Darling Grubby,

You have been very quiet this past week. I have not heard from you. Are you still sulking because I made you work last weekend writing the RFMF submission to the Constitution committee? 

I thought at the very least you would have rung me up to congratulate me on my winning an award at the PSC jamboree last week. I got the award for the most imaginative Aiyarse Licking.

You have also been quiet on Grubsheet and have not added anything new for over a week. I did not get Qorvis to take you on just so you can retire early. Well I did, but not this early. Come on get with the program and start earning your pay as deputy propagandist in chief.

What a couple of weeks we have been through. It seems as if everything is falling down around our ears. I don’t understand it myself. I have been putting out all these press releases about how much money the Bainimarama dictatorship is spending on new infrastructure developments but it seems as if none of that money has really been spent properly.

Suva is nearly cut off from the rest of the country with 2 bridges closed. The traffic has been a nightmare and getting to work has been really slow. But I don’t mind because I am sitting pretty in my brand new 4 wheel drive.

It would not be so bad if it was just 2 bridges. But it turns out 30 bridges are in urgent need of repair. This newroads chap, Rudge has really been throwing his weight around. If he carries on like this he might end up as the foundations of one of his new bridges.

He said the road works carried out by Naim is very poor and their contract needs to be renegotiated. He obviously did not realize this contract was negotiated by Aunty Nur and they have complied with the most important part of the contract and paid lots of money to her company Aliz Pacific.

China Railway Company number 5 is not paying their staff FNPF. But we all know they have made regular payments into Frank’s New Presidents Fund.

The FSC is paying the interest on its $80m loan using another loan. The FEA has introduced rolling power cuts for Suva. You know when it has got to that stage it means there is no money in the bank. Still we can’t complain we are getting paid.

I know where all the money is going. I was having a chat with Razim Buksh, director, Fiji Finance Intelligence Unit and he told me a rather alarming story. He discovered a bank account in BSP. $20,000 is being paid in every week by Aliz Pacific, Aunty Nur’s company. That’s over $1,000,000 a year. He did a bit more investigating and discovered that no tax was being paid on this money. 10 minutes after his conversation with FRCA he got a phone call from a Colonel we all know and love. He was told to stop all investigations on that account and given another 9 accounts that were never to be investigated. He was too scared to give me the name on the account but said the first name rhymed with bank. I can’t think of anyone but if you have any ideas let me know.

The AG is really slacking at the moment. He had 2 weeks off sick and then as soon as his doctor gave him the all clear he took a holiday to Europe. Air Pacific had organized a business class return flight to Brussels for $10,000. But that was not good enough for our jet setting minister of tourism. He got his secretary to make a few changes to his itinerary and before you could say First Class the price was up to $43,000. I think part of it was for excess baggage, he did not realize how expensive it is to transport gold bullion by air all the way to Switzerland. Still we managed to get a good story out of it about him chairing a meeting.

The boys in green had a good idea to save money. They decided that if all prisoners only had one leg they would not be able to escape. So they have just tested it out and amputated the leg of one of the BSP bank robbers. In theory it is a great idea but as ever they don’t think things through properly. They are now going to have to add an extra 2 feet to every prison wall in Fiji because as we saw in the Olympics one legged Fijians are the best jumpers.

There will be a big bust up next week. There is a plan to ship all Fiji government data to India. The idea is that they will use advanced profiling and data mining techniques to dig up dirt on our opposition. The general directive came from Khaiyum and the dictator's office addressed to all government departments. It instructed them to release all Fiji data and information about citizens and residents to Pacific Technologies and Yalamanchili Software Exports Limited from India.  The director of Pacific Technologies, located in Grantham road, Nisar Ahmed Ali, has close ties to Khaiyum.  Needless to say the contract was not tendered.

All was going smoothly until Eliki Salusalu Manager Government IT Services and Joketani Cokanasiga the Minister for Defence decided this was a national security risk and stopped all shipping of data. The AG is in a rage and is going to try and get them removed from their positions next week. He probably wants to be Minister of Defense himself but I think the colonels will have something to say about that.

Our new best friends North Korea have been in the news this week. Apparently a minister displeased their dictator by having a drink when the nation was in mourning. The directive went out  “Leave no trace of him behind, down to the last hair”. So he was dispatched not by a firing squad but by a mortar. I would not want to be one of Cokanasiga’s hairs next week.

Grubby please give me a call I miss you. More importantly I need your help writing a grammatically correct press release.

Hugs and Kisses

Shazzer

• This is to inform the public that this letter is a piece of fiction. However, some of the people and events mentioned are real.
• Please note my winning a public service award was not rigged, I really am a very good Aiyarse Licker.
• The Army has ordered extra mortar bombs; they will arrive just in time for the elections
  _________________
  
  Thanks to Blogger Truncated Lounge for this episode of Grubs and Shazzer.

Grubby Replies re Ghai Discombinations

FROM WORM MAIL : Nov 7th, 2012

 Dearest Shazzer

OK so what did you think of the press statement? 

Sorry about all those hard words like "comprehend" and "unassailable" and "incoming democratically elected government" (you'd better explain that one to Frank if he's going to hold a press conference and then remind him he has to keep a straight face if he is going to say it). 

Back to this Ghai guy. Why don’t we just put him back on the plane to darkest Africa – or wherever that idiot Aiyarse found him - and be done with it? May be they haven’t finished the “Plan B” constitution yet – you know the one where Frank is appointed President-for-life and Aiyarse PM-for-life and we (well you, anyway) are all Fijians, etc? But who needs it?

And thanks anyway for your newsy email with the “hot tip”.  Then, again, after our last Merlot-fuelled encounter in the back seat of the four-wheel (a roomier experience than I remember from my younger days, these Toyota fellows think of everything) perhaps that’s why you should be thanking me, eh? Heh heh 

I’ve got mixed feedback on that inspiring Fiji Sun piece I wrote on Suva, the City of Dreams. One person was in favour, three were against and 46 said “sorry, what are you talking about?”. One critic – obviously a Fiji Times reader – told me that I was a tired old colonial hack hankering back to the days when Indians and Fijians were too poor to actually come into Suva. I drew myself to my full height – and girth – and told him that this was a blatant lie. For one thing, our housegirls came in every day from the Rewa Delta. And the Gujarati fellow from Nasinu, who cooked Sunday tiffin at the Metropole and fixed your shoes while you waited, was a common sight on the streets back then, even if he tended to cross to the other side if he saw a white person coming.  

This is why this Ratu Joni business is all a bit distressing. In my day, the - iTaukeis  - knew their place, which was to do what the chiefs told them. And the chiefs of course, knew their place, which was to do what we told them. These current Ratu Joni shenanigans - chiefs just going off and doing whatever they want to do, and so on - are a sure sign of what’s happening to the country. Nobody knows their place any more and this is why the whole country is going to the dogs. It's a damned good thing that Frank came along.  Good for me anyway, as you know, times haven't been great for my two-bit PR company and a few crumbs from the million-dollar Qorvis guys was just what I needed. 

Interesting news on Aiyarse’s travel budget.  I must say, for a little fellow who started out selling radio ads for FM96, he’s come a long way. Still, I don’t hold with uppity Indians, as a rule. Not sure how good he’d be in a cloth apron standing over a steaming pot of goat curry at one of the local watering holes but I think that would be the best place for him, quite frankly.  Can’t say I trust him. Too smooth by half.

As you know I’ve been heavily involved in developing his strategy against scrap metal theft. Probably fair to say that we are learning as we go on this one.  Remember – the problem was that people were stealing manhole covers for scrap metal. So we passed the Scrap Metal Dealers Decree to stop it. Everybody had to get a license.  People kept stealing manhole covers. So then we suspended everybody’s licenses. I think this time we have the problem cracked, that should be the end of it. Anyway, now we’re paying all these poor plebs a bit more under the new Wages Orders, they should be happy and should stop stealing.

Speaking of wages orders, what the hell happened to Kevin Barr, by the way? Wasn’t he one of us? All this rabbiting on about the poor, what’s that about? It’s these wretched poor people hanging around the streets of Suva and making everything dirty that’s the whole problem.  I tried to talk to the PM the other day about it. Look PM, I told him, I've just seen a whole lot of flat land on Grantham Road at Raiwaqa on my way in from the airport – they demolished something there a few years ago, the taxi driver told me. Why not, I said to Frank, build a whole lot of high-density four-storey flats on that land to get all these poor dirty sods out of the main city?  He looked at me a bit strangely, I must say.  Honestly Shazzer I am not really sure Frank is always on top of the situation.   

Most parts of the country have been declared crime-free, I gather, so that’s good progress.  I asked the Qorvis guys to get onto this and put out some press releases but they scratched their heads and said “Buddy,” (it might have been “Grubby” but I think it was “Buddy”) “we can’t say that because all the people who have been bashed, beaten and burgled know it’s not true.”  What’s their problem, exactly?

Better go, the Cabernet Sauvignon travelling salesman is at the door and if I miss him this time he won’t be back for another four hours. Love to all, see you next week.

Grubby

PS, I’ve been onto my friends in Pyongyang and yes, they’ll get a batch of “The Sky is Flaming Red” hair dye to you in the next diplomatic bag.  

It may take a few weeks, they will have to gear up the factory again. Kim Jong-Il declared the stuff a health hazard 10 years ago but I told them you’re a tough girl.

Discombobulations from the domain of Yash Ghai

URGENT WORM MAIL : November 6th 2012

Darling Grubby,

Drop whatever you are doing and please write one of your vicious attacks. Yash Ghai, the doddery old fool, has gone completely off message and he needs to be discredited as quickly as possible.

I know he thought the PM was behaving unfairly but what did he expect he is a dictator. Anyway now he has gone public but luckily only on ABC radio and we can close that down before you can say Yash Ghai is deported.

He gave an interview on Pacific Beat. http://www.radioaustralia.net.au/international/radio/program/pacific-beat/ghai-defends-impartiality-of-constitutional-process/1041792

He has gone off the rails and is making wild accusation about FB and the AG. I have put some of the more extreme quotes below so you can have a quick look.

Anyway get this completely unwarranted attack to me by 5 this afternoon. I need to read it before we get it published in the Fiji Sun for the people of Fiji to read in the morning.

If you can get this done in time we can meet up at the Holiday Inn for a couple of bottles of Pinot. I hear they have got a new house red. Not that it is good enough for you anymore now you are being paid a fortune by Qorvis.

Hugs and Kisses (But quick ones no time for anything more)

Shazzer.

I think there was this trial of Mr Qarase who was the former prime minister and whose regime was overthrown by the Prime Minister, and there was a trial against him on some charges of fraud. And at the end of the case the court invited statements on the character of the person, which is often used to determine the actual sentence. And Ratu Joni came and spoke in favour of Mr Qarase, and that I think has probably upset the Prime Minister.

Yes I have talked to the Prime Minister about this a few times, and they have given different reasons; the one that she gave me was that this would be in some sense an invasion of the right of the CA, I don't quite see how. And the Attorney General was quoted yesterday as having said the people have already talked to the Commission, and so there's no need for further consultation. The point is that people talked to us about their preferences, their proposals. Now they will have a concrete document to react to, it is a quite different exercise. And so neither explanation is really convincing.

Yes I'm afraid that is quite true, there has been massive interference. Now I get emails from PM to do this or not to do that, and this is a kind of harassment.

And it's also a little bit puzzling that a government which is so wedded to secrecy should suddenly be converted to transparency.                                

Now that power has been taken away from us, and I do not see how Fiji is going to have a free and fair election unless these decrees are cleaned up.

_________

WITH THANKS TO SHAZZER AND GRUBBY WORM MAIL

On Being Political

So here's the thing, Bainijokarama and his crooked band of emulous social-climbers and political cronies  bang on time and time again about no "politicians" being allowed around them, near them, in their promised next elections and that all politicians are bad …  radiradirah….

What they hell do they think they are themselves if not being "political" ?

Isa woilei , some people's children !

Taking more than just a keen interest in partisan policies (just like the regime does) , forming decrees, rules as they please  , proclamations merely to wield power and employing tabetabe (ie 'buying loyalty") tactics with villagers is in its very essence "political" , but not the only way to be ‘political'.

If ragone, like Fiji's idiotic regime , you think that "being political" is joining a political party and operating from a manifesto, you are being pretty dopey.

Countless numbers of academic papers have been written for centuries , theories expostulated and these debates carry on about the meaning and definition of being political - and in their very nature, this exchange of thought is "political".




Look it all up on Google.

But Bainijokarama doesn't like to admit this and prefers to google himself only - obviously. 

But back to serious matters, this debate about the Church participating in "politics" that rages on and on ad nauseum in Fiji…

Here's the truth - All over the world, Churches and it's Ministers have always been very political, as was Jesus—that’s why he was crucified.

Everybody is political & there’s nothing wrong with being political.

Being political is simply a matter of having an opinion, and working with others to act on that opinion. I as an individual have a right to an opinion about what I believe the goals of society should be, and how society should muster its scarce resources towards meeting those targets.

As I am an individual, it is almost certain that should I encounter another individual, my opinions about what we should do and how we should do it will differ from their opinions about what we should do and how we should do it. As we are both individuals within society, we’re going to have to find a way to work out those differences and come up with a common policy.

In other words, being political means advocating for changes .

Churches do have a significant role to play in the arena of public policy debate and development. After all public policy is about values and about working for the common good. The voices of all Fijians should be welcomed - not told that their opinion does not matter.

Laws, policies and legislative initiatives embody important community decisions. When the public dialogues, respectful civil advocacy and discussions that strengthen social cohesion are DELIBERATELY silenced, the Churches , (usually) the last bastion against oppression and injustice MUST come forward on behalf of it's sullen and disenfranchised congregations.

When a self-promoted no-school moron like Bainimarama suggests that the voices of churches should be silent, that is a huge concern , and we should all be uptight about this.

However the good Reverend Koroi I see has again highlighted this point in the Fiji Times  in an article headed "Politics part of pulpit" where he says :

"THE involvement of church leaders in politics was inevitable and could not be avoided.

Mr Koroi said the Bible was full of politics from cover to cover where politics was clearly defined as the art of living together. He said he was saddened to see people attacking church leaders and demanding they need to stay out of politics. 

"The book of law gives the standard of personal morality, social justice but they also present the code which regulates the life of the community. This is politics," he said. 

Mr Koroi said even the Lord Jesus Christ proclaimed his gospel and died his death in a political context. "This was the context of what we today would call a colonialism situation. 

"The work of Christ in our time has become more and more political, not less." Mr Koroi said Christians had always seen the enlightenment of the mind as part of their mission and people knew that the provision of education in schools, college and universities and of adequate scholarship was a political issue. 

He said the provision of efficiently-equipped modern hospitals or research facilities to unsolved medical problems of a national health service depended on political actions. "In any event we cannot evade political responsibility, the act of abstention from politics is itself a political act," he said. 

"If we do not proclaim God's way in politics, then we are responsible for what happens."
Mr Koroi said no community could exist without politics. However, he said it was for Christians to see they were better rather than worse. 

"If politics had got in to the hands of the wrong people and had become a dirty business, it is the job of the Christians to clean it up. We do not live to ourselves and we must not be afraid of soiling our hands." Mr Koroi said if politics was an unclean refuse or a muck heap, the Christian church should be a muckrake."

It is clear that there was an attempt by the Propogangsters in the military regime via their daily rag to DISCREDIT the good Reverend when they printed a story headlined "Stay out of politics, church ministers told".

Yeah right.

But as usual this round belongs once again to the good Reverend Koroi who not only calls a pigeon a pigeon but details and clarifies the work of the pigeon.

Good work sir !